Wheat vs Chaff

 Now as people who do a bit of music here and there and people who see quite a few acts around the place as we ply our lone furrow a phenomena has become quite apparent. A lot of those who play music are just shit. But here's the rub, idiot audiences lap it up!

 Now I'm not saying we are made of awesome, because we're not ...yet. But we've played original material to bar staff only to watch in astonishment as the room fills up to welcome some ropey singer songwriter strumming for half an hour and coming out with the most banal lyrics that would embarrass a primary school kid. Nobody cares that he/she left you, or that he/she barely notices your existence despite your constant fawning after this object of your pallid affections. Perhaps if you stopped with the moping around in your bedroom writing dirge after dirge this person would notice you. At the very least it would leave you with less material to waste my time listening to.

 Most bands are no better. They spend thousands of pounds on enough equipment to sink a moderate sized liner  just so they can have that pillock from Muse's guitar sound and then just play the worst kind of average shit imaginable. No one song distinguishable from the next. But hey, the guitarist sounds just like that pillock from Muse so it's ok.

 I have seen people play sweet child o'mine, forget the words and even get the chords wrong only for it to be greeted with rapturous applause! Once some girl who, it was announced, had only started learning guitar a month ago brought the house down with variations on A E D. So it doesn't seem that a lack of any technical skill is a barrier from pleasing the slack jawed yokels. In fact, the less skill you play with the more they appreciate your efforts.

 Fat fingered mashing at the fret board seems to be the way forward. Forget everything you know because no one will notice your arpeggios or your deft songwriting. All it takes for a crowd to like you is a nervous grin, some between song muttering about nice everyone's being and poorly executed material. But don't think you can do this if you're a bloke. Oh no. Tits also help confuddle an audience. It seems girls have no place on a  stage and if one of the pretty little things has the gumption to enter this male world then extra effort should be made to encourage her. The delicate thing has feelings and emotions you know.

 My point being, if you're going to present yourself on a stage, have the courtesy to rehearse the tunes, learn the words and don't waste everyone's (mine) time by relying on the sympathy vote or that pillock from Muse's guitar sound.


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